Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
