i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
