You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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