i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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