the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And then my night got REAL pukey
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
