Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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