His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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