just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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