does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
