After last night, I could never be a politician.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
