White coat. Heels.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
