Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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