i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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