Sry I called you an 8
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
