whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he shaved USA in his pubs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
