3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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