Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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