Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
