I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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