nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nicole vs. Life
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
