I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
