i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
