So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
