so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
