She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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