I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize