so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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