I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
