did you get engaged???
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
