I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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