Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize