I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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