Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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