My liver just broke up with me...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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