we have pet lesbian snakes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
