she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
