This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
