only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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