The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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