Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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