We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Someone signed my nipple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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