i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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