chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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