Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
