i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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