My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
