I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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