Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
