I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
