some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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