did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
