well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
