if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
