dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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