Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
