She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he puts the penis in happiness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
