you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
