I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
